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..”“Somebody shot ‘im,” Derek said. Smirked. “Just was not YOU.”So Derek is building a weapons segment for the centipede.And... “I think it’s obvious, guys.” Derek, in a meeting. “Smaller target, closer to the ground...”“Less mobile...”“Then let’s try Derek’s ‘inchworm’ thing,” Rachel said.I didn’t gasp because as far as I or anyone else knows, she has no personal knowledge of trying any other ‘worm’ belonging to Derek.“That’s gonna mean that the segment actuators are going to have to be more robust,” I inserted.“Working on it,” he said. “Me ‘n’ Jerry are reworking the segment chassis design so we can go up a notch on the available force.” That’s synergy. Jerry’s a graduate engineer. Derek’s a teen boy. Between Jerry’s careful analysis and Derek’s ‘I think this is waaay strong enough’ we get good design.“Then why am I worrying about it?” I asked.“Don’t worry about it.” Terri glanced at Jerry and the rest of her crew. “We’ll get there pretty quick.”So I’m getting all happy over. None of those memories contain anything which would leave me to believe He wasn't pleased with me or didn't love me or wasn't happy owning me. so why did i think He would be releasing me? After a few minutes, it comes to me - a clear thought, pushing through the mess of emotion and guilt and memories. The answer is so simple. It's nothing. He has done nothing to cause me to doubt Him. Nothing at all. It's not Him. The problem is not He. It's me. i have done something to cause me to doubt. i was thrown by the comments of the person at work, and i allowed a small seed of self-doubt to grow. As it got larger, i panicked. It is *i* who feel i am not pleasing Him, not He who feels this way. *i* feel i am not doing enough. Not pleasing enough. Not attractive enough. Not selfless enough. Not serving enough. Not deserving enough. i'm simply not enough. Period. It seems He has accepted me as i am, but i still haven't. And after a moment i realize He probably knows this. Part of me is.
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